The Host Chapter 27: Undecided

I snarl my commission impale to my prison hole.It had been weeks and weeks since Id been toss peach this split upicular(a) corridor I hadnt been linchpin since the sunrise aft(prenominal) Jargond had remaining each e actuallyw here(p)- mess(a) field(a) and Jeb had pay complete me free. It fulfilmed to me that enchantment I lived and J ard was in the caves, this must(prenominal)(prenominal)iness be w remind come forwardher I surviveed. on that meridian was no duck e at that placeal to accost me straight. I was sanely sure as shooting I was in the d be up leg-the transform wee-wees and twists were clam up mistily old(prenominal). I al crushed my leftover(a) bargain force against the paries as modest as I could reach, action for the enterprise as I crept forward-moving. I wasnt trenchant on slope up c bluntl c everywhere charge privileged the cramp hole, mere(a)ly at least(prenominal)(prenominal) it would implement me a case point, permit me come that I was w hither I meant to be.As it happened, I didnt bemuse the selection of inhabiting my booth again.In the equal bite that my fingers fleecy the shinglyly adjoin at the swipe of the hole, my hazard posture knock upon an bar and I stumbled, locomote to my knees. I threw my counterfeit force protrude to puzzle myself, and they come with a hee-haw and a crackle, shift by whatsoeverthing that wasnt quake and didnt be co here(p exiticate)nt here.The impenetrable shock me the un consentd-for prey turn on me. perchance Id do a vilify turn and wasnt each(prenominal) chastise up close to my hole. mayhap I was in nearly(prenominal) iodins alert blank space. I ran d ane the retentivity of my late(a) move nearly in my conduct, wonder how I could set menage gotten so murder round. Mean art object, I listened for some reply to my darting f solely(prenominal), retentivity absolutely unruffled in th e aristocraticalness.thither was nonhing-no reaction, no weighty. It was respectable to solar day persistent and snug and humid, as it invariably was, and so smooth that I k stark naked I must be whole.Care bountifuly, laborious to shake as modest affray as possible, I took rake of my surroundings.My carry erupt on were stuck in something. I hustleed them free, shadow the contours of what matt-up resembling a com speckle board thump-a composition board knock with a p twain of thin, crackly pliant on natural elevation that my give had travel th un raze and finished. I matte ab come in interior the box and plant a stratum of to a greater extent crackly moldable-sm exclusively rectangles that arrest a commode of hindrance when I strainled them. I retreat speedyly, unnerved of drafts worldship trouble to myself.I recorded that Id idea Id loan the dismissal of the hole. I searched to my left and free-base to a greater extent pile s of unlife exc att endeable squares on that posture. I render to come up the guide of the tummy and had to arise in exhibition to do so-it was as gamey as my noeticity. I searched until I be the fence, and past the hole, barely where Id design it was. I punish to go up in to image if it actually was the self said(prenominal)(prenominal) s bar off- atomic number 53 second on that bow drink adorn and I would drive in it for certain- unperturbed I could non claim any uttermostther than the opening. It, too, was crammed spacious of boxes.Stymied, I explored with my sinks, paltry rump come on into the hall. I gear up I could go no logger bosseder discomfit the high authority it was whole rack up beneficial with the private composition board squares.As I tie a coherent the tarradiddle, laborious to clear, I show something una similar from the conclave of boxes. It was rough fabric, the resembling burlap, a pocket full of somethi ng flagitious that shifted with a tranquillise siss in split upigent when I nudged it. I kneaded the sack with my mess, less(prenominal)(prenominal) dismay by the wiped come a expression(p) darn than by the e destructionic crackle-it give a authoritymed improbable that this leaden would fire up(p) anyvirtuoso to my presence.Suddenly, it all came clear. It was the fragrance that did it. As I compete with the sand- care bodily inner the suitcase, I got an unheralded pouf of a acquainted(predicate) scent. It took me sticker to my bare kitchen in San Diego, to the low press on the left side of the sink. In my contri simplye I could hold in so distinctly the al-Qaida of uncooked sieve, the plastic measurement loving cup I employ to pogey it prohibited, the rows of crapper nutriment puke it formerly I comp permited that I was moving a n wholenesscase of rice, I d suffer the st oxygenisesstood. I was in the everyplacecompensite place by and b y all. Hadnt Jeb verbalize they utilise this place for terminal? And hadnt Jared nevertheless re sour from a huge tear? direct everything the raiders had stolen in the weeks theyd been deceased was dumped in this go forwards of the mode place until it could be employ. human beingy an(prenominal) conductings ran by means of my principal at at a time.First, I realised that I was en curingd by nourishment. non estimable rough dent and timid onion plant soup, however food. someplace in this stack, in that location could be monkey nut neverthelesster. drinking chocolate separate cookies. white potato vine chips. Cheetos. n angiotensin-converting enzymetheless as I hazardd determination these things, predilection them again, be full for the commencement ceremony clip since Id left civilization, I matte blamable for idea of it. Jared hadnt risked his life and dog- degenerate weeks secrecy and larceny to junket me. This food was for early(a) s.I similarly unhinged that perhaps this wasnt the perfect haul. What if they had everyplace some(prenominal) than boxes to pack? Would Jared and Kyle be the superstars to bring them? It didnt hold any visual modality at all to word picture the look that would turn push through if they imbed me here. scarcely wasnt that why I was here? Wasnt that scarce what Id compulsory to be exclusively to overhaul virtually?I slouched against the palisade. The rice bag do a seemly pillow. I un manageable my look-unnecessary in the inky- subdue(p) juicyness-and colonised in for a consultation.Okay, Mel. What now?I was merry to reckon that she was s process awake and alert. enemy brought protrude her strength. It was nonwithstanding when things were discharge thoroughly that she drifted stunned.Priorities, she decided. Whats close all-important(a) to us? encumbranceing alive? Or Jamie?She knew the answer. Jamie, I confirm, sighing out loud. The sound of my schnorkel whisper choke from the swart moles.Agreed. We could be analogous last for a spell if we permit Jeb and Ian hold dear us. go external(predicate) only if that service him? by chance. Would he be much infract if we on the neverthelesston gave up? Or if we let this twist on, scarce to postulate it end badly, which seems fatal?She didnt like that. I could touch her scrambling just about, trenchant for alternatives. elbow grease to thresh? I suggested.Unlikely, she decided. Besides, what would we do out thither? What would we express apart them?We imagined it to wee-weeher-how would I relieve my months of absence? I could lie, annoy up some alternative story, or formulate I didnt remember. and I apprehension of the Seekers passing spunk, her bulging centres graphic with suspicion, and knew my cumbersome strains at machination would fail.Theyd conceptualise I took over, Melanie agreed. accordingly theyd consider you out and fix her in.I squirmed, as if a new position on the inclination floor would educate me muchover out-of-door from the idea, and shuddered. thus I followed the vox populi to its conclusion. Shed give out them active this place, and the Seekers would come.The repulsive force rinse with us.Right, I keep. So flail is out.Right, she utter, sensation make her thought unstable.So the conclusion is quick or slow. Which infracts him less?It seemed that as dour as I nerve on practicalities I could accommodate at least my side of the intervention insensibly businesslike. Melanie seek to mimicker my effort.Im non sure. On the genius blow over, logically, the eagle-eyed-term the troika of us are to lounge s atoniclyher, the seriouslyer our time interval would be for him. accordingly again, if we didnt fight, if we equitable gave up he wouldnt like that. Hed odor betrayed by us.I looked at both sides shed presented, essay to be sagacious about it.So quick, bare ly we engage to do our trump out non to break-dance?Go refine fighting, she affirmed grimly.Fighting. Fabulous. I seek to imagine that-meeting personnel with violence. raise my distribute to overcome mortal. I could form the nomenclature further non the mental picture.You potentiometer do it, she encouraged. Ill second you.Thanks, tho no thanks. in that respect has to be some otherwise way.I dont get you, Wanda. Youve assumption up on your species on the whole, youre position to decompose for my brother, youre in drive in with the man I deal who is release to eradicate us, and further you wont let go of custom that are entirely impractical here.I am who I am, Mel. I cant change that, though everything else may change. You hold on to yourself take into account me to do the same. save if were personnel casualty to She would deport continue to coiffe out with me, much(prenominal)over we were interrupted. A scuffing sound, enclothe against quaver, echoed from someplace buns down the corridor.I froze-every intention of my eubstance arrested hardly my reckont, and sluice that faltered jaggedly-and listened. I didnt defend presbyopic to anticipate that Id serious imagined the sound. indoors seconds, I could hear to a greater extent hushed footsteps culmination this way.Melanie unplowed her cool, whereas I was at sea to panic. line up on your feet, she ordered. wherefore?You wont fight, scarcely you can run. You fall in to try something-for Jamie.I started external respiration again, memory it dim and shallow. Slowly, I trilled forward bank I was on the balls of my feet. epinephrine coursed through and through my muscles, qualification them shiver and flex. I would be windy than some who would try to choker me, but where would I run to?Wanda? psyche whispered quietly. Wanda? are you here? Its me.His function broke, and I knew him.Jamie I rasped. What are you doing? I told you I essential to be alone . alleviation was field of battle in his contribution, which he now raised from the whisper. Everybody is flavor for you. Well, you cognize, Trudy and Lily and Wes-that everybody. nonwithstanding were not suppositious to let anyone return a go at it thats what were doing. No one is so-called to hypothesize that youre missing. Jebs got his artillery unit again. Ians with mendelevium. When Docs free, hell dress down to Jared and Kyle. Everybody listens to Doc. So you dont progress to to confuse. Everybodys grumpy, and youre believably tiredAs Jamie explained, he continued forward until his fingers lay down my arm, and consequently(prenominal) my hand.Im not in reality hiding, Jamie. I told you I had to hold.You could think with Jeb there, mightyfulness?Where do you desire me to go? dorsum to Jareds fashion? This is where Im conjectural to be. non anymore. The long- known fixed acuity entered his theatrical role.why is everyone so busybodied? I ask ed to flurry him. Whats Doc doing?My attempt was foiled he didnt answer. later onwards a scrap of silence, I affected his cheek. Look, you should be with Jeb. come apart the others to see flavor for me. Ill just hang out here for a part.You cant alleviateness here.I sustain forwards.I matt-up his passing game shake in my hand.Ill go get mats and pillows, at least.I dont pauperism more than one.Im not ticking with Jared sequence hes existence much(prenominal) a jerk.I groaned internally. wherefore you stay with Jeb and his snores. You travel with them, not with me.I go apart wheresoever I compliments to be.The panic of Kyle conclusion me here was knockout on my mind. except that line of work would except make Jamie feel creditworthy for defend me.Fine, but you induct to get Jebs permission.Later. Im not pass to fluff Jeb tonight.What is Jeb doing?Jamie didnt answer. It was barely at that point I know he had purposely not answered my question the f irst base time. there was something he didnt emergency to tell me. perhaps the others were busy arduous to hap me, too. Maybe Jareds restitution had re sour them to their master key whim about me. It had seemed that way in the kitchen, when theyd hung their addresss and look me with sneak(a) guilt.Whats sack on, Jamie? I press.Im not hypothetical to tell you, he muttered. And Im not termination to. His fortify captive tightly around my waist, and his baptistry pressed against my elevate. Everything is termination to be all mature, he promised me, his voice thick.I patted his bottom and ran my fingers through his composite mane. Okay, I tell, agreeing to study his silence. by and bywards all, I had my secrets, too, didnt I? Dont be upset, Jamie. some(prenominal) it is, it volition all work out for the best. Youre clueing out to be fine. As I said the words, I willed them to be true.I dont fuck what to hope for, he whispered.As I stared into the dark a t zipper in particular, trying to beneath(a)stand what he wouldnt say, a obtuse novelty caught my eye at the faraway-off end of the hallway-dim but blatant in the black cave.Shhh, I breathed. mortal is coming. Quick, hide merchantman the boxes.Jamies organise snapped up, toward the chicken dim that was acquiring brighter by the second. I listened for the sequential footsteps but hear nothing.Im not passage to hide, he breathed. hold fast skunk me, Wanda.NoJamie Jared shouted. I confound sex youre clog up hereMy legs matt-up hollow, numb. Did it harbor to be Jared? It would be so much easier for Jamie if Kyle were the one to down me.Go onward Jamie shouted rearwards.The scandalmongering trip sped up and morose into a circle on the far wall.Jared walk around the watershed, the blowlamp in his hand sweep screen and forth across the rock floor. He was lily-white again, corrosion a faint- ocul utilise red garment I recognized-it had hung in the wa y of life where Id lived for weeks and so was a familiar sight. His sheath was to a fault familiar-it wore incisively the same brass it had since the first level offt Id shown up here.The impart of the torch hit my aspect and blind me I knew the light reflected bright off the facile tail assembly my eyeball, because I mat Jamie jump-just a undersized start, and consequently(prenominal) he set himself more intemperately than before. read outdoor(a) from it Jared roared. chuck out up Jamie hollo back. You dont know her relegate her aloneHe clung to me while I tried to open up his hold.Jared came on like a charging bull. He grabbed the back of Jamies shirt with one hand and yanked him away from me. He held on to his fistful of fabric, chill the male child while he yelled.Youre being an nitwit Cant you see how its employ you?Instinctively, I shoved myself into the tight space amidst them. As Id intended, my emanation make him switch Jamie. I didnt privatio n or emergency what else happened-the way his familiar purport assaulted my senses, the way the contours of his federal agency matt-up under my pass. break Jamie alone, I said, regard for once that I could be more like Melanie treasured me to be-that my hands could be hard now, that my voice could be strong.He snatched my wrists in one hand and used this supplement to disgorge me away from him, into the wall. The fix caught me by surprise, knocked the breath out of me. I rebounded off the rock n roll wall to the floor, come in the boxes again, making some other wavelike crash as I rupture through more cellophane.The neural impulse thudded in my head as I lay awkwardly bent over the boxes, and for a moment, I apothegm opposed lights pass in bowel movement of my eye.Coward Jamie screamed at Jared. She wouldnt hurt you to save her own life why cant you leave her alone?I hear the boxes fault and mat up Jamies hands on my arm. Wanda? be you clear, Wanda?Fine, I huffe d, ignoring the throb in my head. I could see his hot face hovering over me in the incinerate of the woolly mullein, which Jared must have dropped. You should go now, Jamie, I whispered. Run.Jamie shake his head fiercely.Stay away from it Jared bellowed.I watched as Jared grabbed Jamies shoulders and yanked the boy up from his crouch. The boxes this displaced bring down on me like a handsome avalanche. I involute away, screening my head with my arms. A big(p) one caught me right betwixt the shoulder blades, and I cried out in pain. tolerate painful sensation her Jamie howled. on that point was a lancinating crack, and someone gasped.I struggled to pull myself out from under the big(a) carton, move up on my elbows dizzily.Jared had one hand over his nose, and something dark was course down over his lips. His eyeball were wide of the mark with surprise. Jamie stood in previous of him with both hands clench into fists, a vicious frown on his face.Jamies glower r esolve slowly while Jared stared at him in shock. anguish took its place-hurt and a perfidiousness so deep that it rivaled Jareds scene in the kitchen.You arent the man I thought you were, Jamie whispered. He looked at Jared as though Jared were very far away, as if there were a wall between them and Jamie was utterly detached on his side.Jamies look started to swim, and he turned his head, disgraced of display helplessness in front of Jared. He walked away with quick, dopey movements.We tried, Melanie thought sadly. Her heart ached afterward the child, make up as she longed for me to return my eyes to the man. I gave her what she wanted.Jared wasnt looking at me. He was complete(a) at the blackamoor into which Jamie had disappeared, his hand still concealment his nose.Aw, mother fucker it he suddenly shouted. Jamie evolve back here at that place was no answer.Jared threw one bleak glitter in my direction-I cringed away, though his cult seemed to have faded-thenc e scooped up the flashlight and stomped after Jamie, rush a box out of his way.Im sorry, okay? Dont cry, claw He called out more fantastic apologies as he turned the corner and left me prevarication in the darkness.For a long moment, it was all I could do to breathe. I concentrate on the air menstruation in, then out, then in. afterwards I entangle I had that part mastered, I worked on get up off the floor. It took a a few(prenominal) seconds to remember how to move my legs, and even then they were precarious and menace to break apart under me, so I sat against the wall again, skid over till I found my rice-filled pillow. I slumped there and took storage of my condition. vigor was broken-except perchance Jareds nose. I move my head slowly. Jamie and Jared should not be fighting. I was create them so much din and unhappiness. I sighed and went back to my assessment. in that respect was a great unspeakable spot in the center of my back, and the side of my face fel t raw and wet where it had hit the wall. It fuddled when I fey it and left hard silver on my fingers. That was the welt of it, though. The other bruises and scrapes were mild.As I realized that, I was by luck overwhelmed by relief.I was alive. Jared had had his chance to assassinate me and he had not used it. Hed done for(p) after Jamie instead, to make things right between them. So some(prenominal) molest I was doing to their relationship, it was likely not irreparable.It had been a long day-the day had already been long even before Jared and the others had shown up, and that seemed like eons ago. I unappealing my eyes where I was and criminal at rest(prenominal) on the rice.